Goals AF

            This is basically Finnegan’s Wake, but written in millennial twitter speak, from the perspective of a girl about another girl. I like to consider myself devastatingly original, but I think I’m just devastating the English language with this. Anyway, it’s an interesting experiment. I’d like to add emoji. Here’s a taste.

            This was the night that Breanna came over like, all pissed off. Kyle had been acting ratchet af lately and talking to like fifty diff sluts on twitter but most ppl knew he was banging like all of them. Idk if she thought we were friends or whatever but she was crying and her mascara was running and I felt kinda bad so I let her in and we talked in my bedroom for a minute.

            Her dad was like some sort of stockbroker but he was old and super hot and super rich and treated her like DIAMONDS which is goals af literally the best thing I would DIEE if I had a dad like hers. He was off on some business trip in an all-glass hotel room in Detroit or Vegas or someplace and couldn’t be around. Her mom was dead, saddest thing ever, and she had passed away before Breanna could have any little brothers or sisters so she was basically alone in this giant mansion all the time. Her dad was weird af kinda like a teenager he worked out all the time and was like shredded and shit and drove this murdered out G-wagon which was basically sex on wheels and I loved riding around in it.